Some of the kids at school called my bear dumb.  I knew better, because I, along with my best friend Katie, was one of the chosen few the bear talked to.  Granted, he rarely responded to me and often stared at me with a glazed, blank expression on his face (this was before the dog chewed off his eyes), but I took his rather laconic behaviour as a sign of unusual depth for a stuffed animal.  After all, at least he wasn’t insufferably talkative like that stupid Liza Meh Teddy in my sister’s stuffed animal collection.

I was very young when I lost my boyish innocence.  She had betrayed me, someone I considered a close friend of mine.  Never before had I been so shocked, that she would throw away months of friendship like that!  An entire lifetime of memories and laughter just tossed away in one senseless act.  Katie McFadden had stolen my teddy  bear.

This meant war, and if I had my way, things were going to get pretty grizzly, but I needed my sister’s help.  I approached her while she was watching TV.  It was my intention to take full advantage of the window of opportunity provided by this commercial break.  I knew timing would be crucial in forming this alliance and knew interrupting ‘Gilligan’s Island’ at a tense moment would lack the diplomacy and finesse required to turn my sister, Margaret, to my point of view.

“Mar,” I addressed her.  Mar, or Marmar was the nickname I used for her sometimes.  She called me ‘Bud’. “Katie stole Root.”

Margaret gasped.  “Root’s been kidnapped?”

“NO, only kids get kidnapped.  Root isn’t a kid.  He‘s an adult and you can‘t kidnap adults.  It‘s against the law.” Naturally.

“Right, I’m sorry.”

Her sarcasm was entirely lost on me.  With the commercial break was nearly over, it was time to play my cards.  I looked my sister square in the eyes and said, “Marmar, I need to borrow your dolls to form an elite group of commandos to go deep into enemy territory in a covert search and rescue operation from which some of them may not survive.  Some of them may end up needing a stuffing transfusion, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

My sister sighed.  “This is why Mom doesn’t let you watch TV, you know.”

“Well, what will it be?” I asked.

“No.”

“What if they volunteer?”

“No,” she said more firmly.

“Not even M.C. Hamster?”

Margaret looked at me.  “No.   Now go away.”

There was a firmness in her statement that led me to believe that choosing a plan B would be prudent.  I wished I had listened to my parents when they suggested that I diversify my own stuffed animal collection, but alas, I was a cocky, callow youth once.  I never thought I would be forced to grow up so quickly, so tragically.

In either case, a change in tactics was in order.  I went to my bedroom, my fortress of solitude and bat cave rolled into one, to think.  Questions like ‘Where did I go wrong?’ and ‘What would ‘Inspector Gadget’ do?’ swam through my head.  After some deliberation, I realized that I didn’t have an answer to the first question, and that the answers I could come up with to my second question were, let’s face it, less than helpful.

Later, after much consideration, planning, and cookie eating, I decided to take legal action.  I went to my closet and grabbed a ratty yellow bathrobe because it looked like Dick Tracy’s trench coat. I then grabbed a pair of sunglasses and one of my dad’s hats from his bedroom.  I was now a fully and competently qualified private detective whose particular area of jurisdiction was Katie’s house.  I headed outside.

It was raining outside.  It was a hard rain, the kind of rain that could dent a windshield.  Fortunately, I was wearing my hat.

I walked down the street with grim determination.  I was going to see a dame.  She was the kind of gal that could get a bloke to do her homework with just a wink.  We were pals, once.  Then yesterday, I found her on the wrong side of the law when Jimmy the snitch tipped me to her sordid involvement in the disappearance of one Root the Bear, an associate of mine.  The resulting pain shot through me like a bullet through Jell-O.

When I arrived at her house, the rain was easing up and the clouds were parting, but I knew the real storm was about begin.  I rang her doorbell and heard it echo through her house.  I suddenly found myself face to face with Mrs. McFadden, aka Katie’s Mom.

Mrs. McFadden wore a smile that belied the shame she must of felt at raising such a decadent child.

“Hey there, Sugar.  I’m looking for Katie the dame.  You seen her around?”  I chewed on a toothpick trying to act tough, to hide the fact that worries and doubts were swimming through my mind like flies in soup.

“Hello Robert.  She’s just in the tub right now.  Do you want to come in?”  Mrs. McFadden said warmly.

I accepted Mrs. McFadden’s invitation and stepped in.

“You’re all wet.  You should dress better when it rains out, you know.”

“I wore a hat.”

She walked into the kitchen.  “I was just making some Jell-O for Katie.  Would you like some?”

“Yes please.  I was just thinking about Jell-O on the way here.”  I sat down at the kitchen table and pretended to be interested in the newspapers.   Interest rates were down, apparently.  “Do you have those tiny little marshmallows to put in it?”

Mrs. McFadden shook her head apologetically.

Katie suddenly appeared at the doorway, her hair still wet and tangled from the bath.  “Hello Robbie,”  She paused.  “Why are you wearing a wet bathrobe?” I had been distracted by the lure of Jell-O, forgetting that I was a super-detective.

“I’m the one asking questions here, missy,” I came back at her with a fierce determination.  “I’ve got news for you.  Jimmy snitched, he squealed, he sang like a bird.  He told me about… what’s that smell?  It smells unfamiliar.”

“Soap,” she answered.

“Oh,” was all I could muster.  The aroma wafted through the air like an early morning mist.

“What’s this about, Robbie?”  Katie asked.  Her mother seemed to find our interaction more entertaining than disturbing.

She was right where I wanted her.  “Give it up, woman.  I know you got Root the Bear stashed away somewhere.  Where is he?”

Katie looked away.  “I didn’t take him.  But I do know where he is.”

I scoffed.  “Then where is he?  This is where you sing, Sugar.”

Katie sat down.  Her face was so intense that it would have made Rambo shudder.  “Yeah, I saw what happened.  Jimmy figures you owe him money.    He wanted to send you a message.  He found Root and took him.  He pounded the bear’s stomach for a bit and just stuffed Root into his back pack.  It was horrible.”

“He’d do that over a quarter?  Why didn’t he just take credit for it and ask for ransom?”  I asked.

“Word is he got scared, figured that you’d come down on him, hard.”

I pondered for awhile.  Her story made sense.  A lot of sense.  “Thank you for your time, Ms. McFadden.  You have been very helpful.”

I left after I finished my Jell-O, and went home.  After returning the hat, bathrobe, and sunglasses to their proper spots, I retrieved a quarter from my piggy bank and told my parents I was going over to Jimmy’s.  They told me to make sure I was back by dinner and that I should wear a rain jacket this time in case it started raining again.

I arrived at Jimmy’s front door and knocked three times.  Jimmy’s brother, Stephen answered the door.  “Hello?” He looked at me inquisitively.

“Hi Stevie.  Is Jimmy there?” I asked.

“JIMMY.  ROBBIE IS HERE.”  Stephen yelled.  He went back to the television. Jimmy came down the stairs quickly.

“Hi Robbie.”  Jimmy greeted me as Stephen wondered.

“You took my bear.  You owe me”

Jimmy frowned.  “Mom says that if someone says hello to you, you should say hello back.”

I looked at him.  I was annoyed that he was deflecting the issue.  “Hello.  Katie said you took my…”

“Alright, alright already,” he interrupted.  “You can have him back.  He’s boring anyways.”  I made a mental note to congratulate Root for such a brilliant tactic, acting boring to make Jimmy not want to keep him around.  We made the exchange without incident.  I walked Root home.  I had heard that whenever a person goes through something hard or traumatic, it’s good to open up.  I didn’t want Root to open up again though, because the last time I got him to open up, my Mom had to sew him back together.  We simply picked up our relationship where we left off.

The next day, Root and I were having our dinner together.  I asked him if he wanted a Pepsi, but he just stared at me.  I finished my meal and grabbed Root by the hand.  “Let’s go, Root Bear, we’re going to have a sleepover with Jimmy and Katie.”  Root and I grabbed our things, left the house, and sauntered off into the brightly coloured sunset.

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