CAST

SPADINA SNIPERS:
JAMES DEAN, LEROY ‘THE REAL’ MCCOY, CHARLIE ‘CHAPLIN’ CHAN.

THE SCARBOROUGH ASSASSINS:
BERNARD ‘KILLER’ HOPKINS, JIM ‘THE JACKHAMMER’ JOHNSON and DARNELL ‘MANIAC’ MADSEN.

And FEATURING: SAMUEL JACKSON as REGGAE-CABBIE.

Scene 1

Opening Scene: JAMES DEAN and his two friends LEROY ‘THE REAL’ MCCOY, and CHARLIE ‘CHAPLIN’ CHAN make up THE SPADINA SNIPERS. They are riding the subway (background setup like a Subway Car) and are warming up for a rap battle to take place that night on Toronto’s eastside. Screeches can be heard from the Subway’s brakes, and odd mumblings of conversations in the distance from a few odd people riding alongside the Snipers.

 JAMES DEAN 

Warmin’ up for a rippin’ battle `tween sides,
Another subway token’s what we need to collide,
Different strokes for different folks caught in a mime,
Shatter the glass with some of my fiercest rhymes
Think you one of a kind? You ain’t got a chance
Unless you redefine reading my mind and make an advance,
Don’t think you got what it takes in ya,
I got a team that’s ready to kill ya

With poetry in motion from deep in T.O.
Kings of the jungle, listen to us roar,
We coastin’ on a wave from downtown to the east
Look out, I attack fierce from the belly of the beast – Unleashed.

This story’s underway, it’s just getting started,
You wanna battle us, you must be retarded
Run you over like that kid does in Friday Night Lights,
Never going down though, cause I ignite with insights,
Blow you up with dynamite, an option that don’t feel quite right/
So I’ll give you tha opportunity to fade away into the darkness of the night.

JAMES DEAN

(Leroy gets a beat-box going while tapping his feet in the subway car).

Uh, ya, c’mon Leroy. Keep that beat going. Shit ya. I can’t wait to catch these Scarborough cats off-guard. I know they ain’t expecting nothing from us so it’ll be even sweeter when we tear them apart.

LEROY

I hope you’re right, bro. I’m just sorry for getting us in this situation in the first place. And by the way, nice warm-up, Deaner, you really are the coolest cat. I’m just happy to stand by your side. Your parents named you right man. James Dean. Ha. No nickname required.

JAMES DEAN

Whatever Leroy, stop making me blush. Besides, it’s all good. This is just the challenge The Spadina Snipers needed anyway. I mean who’d a known you’d bump into one of the fiercest rappers on the eastside. Maybe it’s fate, maybe it’s opportunity. Either way there ain’t no looking back now.

CHARLIE

Ya. That’s what I’m talking about. Step into the limelight. I don’t know where we’d be without you Dean. Seriously though. Leroy and I were just two young punks not too long ago, but with you as our leader we can take on anyone ya’ know. You got our backs, and we got yours. The way it’s meant to be – without getting too cheesy or nothing.

LEROY

With that being said. Thanks again for stepping in for me last night Deaner. I guess the booze hit me harder than I even knew, and yo’, I was not ready for Bernard.

Scene 2

Stage lights flash out then flash back a few moments later with the SPADINA SNIPERS walking the streets of Toronto. It’s the night before and LEROY is the most intoxicated of the three from the house party they just left. Cars honking can be heard as they drive by the stumbling Leroy.

CHARLIE

Sheesh, Leroy. Get a hold of yourself man. You is acting like a drunken fool. Don’t make me throw you on my back ‘cause you know I’ll never let you live it down.

JAMES DEAN

Quit bustin’ his chops Charlie. We all know you’ve been there before. Remember that kegger a few weeks back. Wasn’t it Leroy holding your toque for ya, while you kissed that ceramic bowl? That’s what I thought.

As CHARLIE and JAMES DEAN banter back and forth
LEROY stumbles ahead around a corner, and BERNARD and his crew bump into him head on.

BERNARD/KILLER

(To his comrades first)  Shit, who is this fool? I’m a smoke this knucklehead.

(To Leroy)

Yo, you’re a stumbling idiot who can’t even walk straight,
bumping into me? You just determined your own fate
I’m a pummel you – head first into the underground
when you enter the earth, we won’t even hear a sound
You a clown
A Nobody.
Send the search party, to find the remnants of your soul
Seriously, don’t take another step – You lost control
This cat is finished, I’m breakin’ the mold of a Real MC
No one even cried at your funeral – What a Tragedy
Death by my Design. So take my advice:
Turn to your crew, Tell em to resign, run away and hide.

LEROY

(Leroy slurs his dialogue while wading back and forth) What?? Whaaat – you wanna battle me? Oh no. Oh no you didn’t. I’m Leroy. ‘The Real’ McCoy, and I know you don’t want none of this!

BERNARD/KILLER

Whatever you say poindexter. My name is ‘Killer’ and if you think I’m scared of you and your mixed medley crew you’re dreamin’. Anytime you want a piece of me and my boys – Anytime – we’ll be killin’ it at Highland Creek Park, waiting for you chumps.

JAMES steps in to defend his drunken boy LEROY.

JAMES DEAN

I’m a save my words tonight, Killer, but we accept your challenge, and forget waiting. We’ll meet you tomorrow night for a showdown. Ten o’clock, Highland Creek Park. A straight up battle. Your best and you, versus my boys Leroy, Chaplin and me. You think you can handle that?

KILLER and his crew of JIM ‘THE JACKHAMMER’ JOHNSON and DARNELL ‘MANIAC’ MADSEN roar with laughter right in their faces.

DARNELL

Ha, you boys make it out to the Borough and we’ll battle you alright. You ain’t even said nuttin’ yet. Peace.

Stage lights flash out, then back in, resuming to the present moment and the TTC subway car with the Spadina Snipers still en route to Highland Park.

Scene 3

LEROY

Just thinking about that verse and how I made an ass of myself kills me. Sorry again Chaps. Sorry Deaner. I ain’t mean for you to have to step in for me like that.

CHARLIE

You know what man, don’t even sweat it. He caught you off-guard and we’re gonna get our chance at redemption tonight. Just hang in there and stay confident. Deaner had your back last night, and we both gonna step up now. Who cares that the last time I was in the Borough, I was with my Dad laptop shopping.

(somewhat sarcastically) I ain’t scared. 

LEROY

(with uncertainty) Thanks guys.

Scene 4

The SPADINA SNIPERS, JAMES, LEROY, AND CHARLIE
arrive at Scarborough Centre – eastside – and exit the
streetcar. Lights fade out then back with them standing outside the Scarborough Centre. Their current location seems to be a somber scene, as if all other lights have burnt out, but the one directly above them.

JAMES DEAN

What do you guys think? I mean I know I didn’t google map the exact location of this park. Either of you?

CHARLIE

I know you’re looking at me, Deaner, but you can forget about it. Aren’t you the leader anyway? Why when it comes to computers and directions do you always look at me?

JAMES DEAN

Because you’re the number two Charlie, and well, I just figured you’d know how to get there – You know what. Forget it. I’m a hail down this cab.

JAMES signals for an oncoming cab. The three off them
walk off-stage. The lights drop off, and when they
illuminate again the three of them are sitting on three boxes set up to imitate sitting in the back of a car. The three of them shift back and forth along with the wild driving of the CABBIE who is on his own box, slightly off center in front of them. He is imitating driving, with his arms flailing, and his eyes all over the road with constant looks in the rear view mirror. The background has a screen setup showing passing traffic & scenery.

 

 

Scene 5

JAMES DEAN

Hey man, you think you can get us to Highland Creek Park?

REGGAE-CABBIE

Sure ting man. Hop in. As long as you don’t mind the reggae tunes, as I be jammin’ tonight! (REGGAE-CABBIE observes the tense looks on the boys’ faces). Pardon me sayin’ but you boys seem awfully quiet tonight! Cat got your tongues or something?

LEROY
 

(Timidly)Well actually man we’re on our way to battle the Scarborough Assassins. We had a bit of a run in last night and well, we’re on our way to meet Killer and his crew right now. Know anything about those guys?

REGGAE-CABBIE

(Nervously at the mention of the Assassins) You boys be careful, ya hear. Dem boys don’t fool around man! I ain’t gonna stick around for da funeral but cause I likes ya’s, here is my cell phone number. I’m not sayin’ I’m a come around to get ya’s, but it seems like you boys is a long way from home and dose digits might just come in handy.

JAMES DEAN

That’s awfully nice of you man. But if you don’t mind me asking – why you gonna help out a couple east-siders like us? You don’t think we can handle ourselves?

REGGAE-CABBIE

Slow your role boyyy! I ain’t sayin’ none of dat. All I’s a sayin’ is if you have any smarts, which by the looks of it – YOU do – then you’ll take dis ‘ere number and tink nuttin’ of it. Call it a watchful eye between one man and another. Anyway, that’ll be $8.20 and don’t tink for a second that cause I likes ya dat dis ‘ere is a free fare. I gots to eat too ya know! Big ups – respect. And hey: Good luck!

With that, the REGGAE-CABBIE pulls to the side of the road (veers while sitting on his box), points to a crowd in the distance stationed in the center of the park under the beaming ballpark lights and wishes them luck.

Scene 6

Lights fade out as they shuffle off their boxes to exit the car, then fade back in with the trio center stage timidly trekking forward. As they approach the all-black crowd the stage lights black out for half a second and when they come back to, there is an amber dimmer essence with a new backdrop of Highland Park, and a baseball diamond in the background.

JAMES DEAN

Alright boys, keep your cool, let’s do this.

BERNARD/KILLER

WELL, WELL, look who decided to show up! None too soon neither as we was thinkin’ you boys was pussies and didn’t have it in ya.

 

Phat instrumental beats blast in the background. KILLER walks right up to DEAN and stares him down, their noses practically touching

BERNARD/KILLER

You ready, boy?

JAMES DEAN

We’re ready, how you wanna do this?

BERNARD/KILLER

I say fuck this group battle shit. Me and you mother fucker. Just me and you. I’ll fuckin’ kill you like I did your boy last night. Real McCoy my ass! You think you up for that Dean-o?

JAMES DEAN

Let’s do it. Your turf and all though so why don’t you show me how it’s done, tough guy!

BERNARD THE KILLER chuckles to himself, turns and looks at his boys, then to his girl in the crowd. He then glances at the D.J. and nods for him to kick that J. Dilla
instrumental record that would serve as the back-beat for this epic battle. Killer clears his throat, looks Dean directly in the eyes and begins. Stage lights focus on Killer with a deep blue haze.

 
BERNARD/KILLER

I thought we came to do battle with a small group of men,
Not a group of small men, who let you out of your playpen?
Your clothes are so tiny, bought at the Baby Gap,
Now you come on this stage, thinkin maybe you can rap?
Looks like I’m gonna have to teach y’all a little lesson,
So listen up close, your preschool’s in session…
Lesson 1: come strong with a real set of rhymes,
Not “green eggs and ham” son, get with the times.
Lesson 2: Your Mr. Dressup songs won’t work for you here,
You’re amongst men now, check the headlights, deer.
Lesson 3: Don’t stand there awestruck, like a cat got yer tongue!
Lesson 4: You just got served/I’m droppin the mic/ Done!
 

With that, DEAN doesn’t even miss a beat and comes out swinging. Lights shift to JAMES DEAN with a cool
green hue.

JAMES DEAN

Alright, alright, looks like you rehearsed,
I’m super impressed, you remembered your verse,
You got more of those lyrics under your skirt?
Or maybe they’re hidin’, in your man’s purse?
But back to reality, your skills are not strong,
You lack originality, I’m right while you’re wrong,
You kinda a chimp, they callin’ me Kong,
You seem sorta high, who’s Cheech and who’s Chong?
Slow down a minute, you seem out of touch,
You huff and you puff, but you ain’t sayin much,
Recycling lyrics, your crew is a crutch,
You trippin’ on the rope, while I double dutch, what’s up?

The crowd hums and haws both ways, but definitely seem stunned by JAMES DEAN’s composure and solid flow. KILLER seems a little flustered. Stage lights jump back to BERNARD with an even deeper blue.

BERNARD/KILLER

Young boy comin’ out and callin us biters?
We Scarborough, bitch, we soldiers, we fighters!
Don’t test my patience, I’ll tear you apart,
Have you wide open, as I pull out your heart
You and your boys are pussy, vagina,
Go back to your home, you queens from Spadina!
You’re kiddies, not grown, not even halfway,
You’re total, you’re fully, much more than half-gay.
You’ve sparked a torch, you’ve ignited a fire,
You’ve just gotten started, but I’m a’ make you retire!
Don’t come around here, this isn’t your place,
You stupid, you ugly, get outta my face!

With that verse the surrounding posse goes berserk, waving their arms in the air and even a few “KILLA, KILLA” chants begin. DEAN, un-phased pops in. Stage lights switch back to the green hue and DEAN as the focus.

JAMES DEAN

You’re angry, you’re mad, you ain’t thinking straight,
Don’t keep it all in, Just let out the hate!
The ‘roids are on target, they do seem to work,
They’ve shrunk up yer nuts and made you a jerk,
Those pumped up biceps and chest make you scary,
There’s all sorts of acne where you used to be hairy,
I know you are confident, still feelin’ fine,
But ladies ain’t feelin, your receding hairline.
Calm down Hulk, you’re bout to turn green,
Your grunts you call lyrics are causin’ a scene.
That homophobe lyric, just didn’t sound right,
From a male prostitute, a man of the night.
I’m not into fightin’, this shits about verses,
Your hearts palpitating, quick, call the nurses.
Truly a King of the Night, Spadina’s my hood,
Don’t ever come downtown again, it’ll do you no good.

 

With that last bar, the heavy hitting Scarborough crowd keep their arms up high. Jeers and shouts in favour of JAMES DEAN’s verse are heard. Although no obvious winner is in sight after the first couple rounds, the tone is set and these two rhyme warriors are equally matched. That much is clear. KILLER winces a half smile and nods in DEAN’s direction. He sets his stance to begin a third go-around. At that moment sirens chime in. The Scarborough Police Force arrive and are intent on separating the larger than normal crowd. With numerous hoodlums and drug king-pins amongst the crowd, everyone scatters in all directions, but not before KILLER grabs DEANER’s arm.

BERNARD/KILLER

You know what kid? I underestimated ya. Great battle! But just so you know I had ya with that next verse!

(BERNARD winks at JAMES as he says this. They slap hands, pound shoulders with a half-ass embrace, and take off in opposite directions - JAMES DEAN smiling to himself as he stumbles away).

 
JAMES DEAN

(half aloud, half to himself ) I guess we’ll never know. I guess we’ll never know.

LEROY, nearby with CHARLIE, whips out his cell-phone, and dials REGGAE-CABBIE. Ring,Ring. Ring, Ring…

REGGAE-CABBIE

(off-stage) I see you kid, I see you. Meet me down da’ road where da’ creek bends. I’ll get you boys outta dere safe and sound. And hey, tell your boy…..Nicely dun, nicely dun. This ‘ere Rasta never miss da chance to catch a battle like dat one…

THE END.

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